Kids don't tell

This site is about abuse, how to tell if you are being bullied by a sociopath and the harm they can do.
How what happens to you today can affect your tomorrows. Kids don't tell, and I am told to shut up but it is time to make a difference, it is time to speak out, Post-traumatic stress disorder is real, please lets make a difference, lets make a stand.

To fallow along in my journey walking into a better tomorrow. I am going to be a survivor. I child with out love, being bullied keeping secretes is a person in pain sooner or later. We must teach children to speak out. I have posted Oldest posts first on the left of the page. Starting with What is a Sociopath?
All entries highlighted are thoughts outside my story of my jz Life.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sociopath Damage they can do.

Having a baby;
One time my older sister got pregnant, when this happened, surprise I found out I was pregnant, this didn't go over very well. My younger sister was the first person I told, my younger sisters told me whatever you do, do  not tell our older sister, wait until she has her baby, she will be very  upset. I couldn't tell her; who does this?  how could it be that me being pregnant can affect this other person? I never did tell her until after she had her baby. But she didn't talk to me for a long time.I thought for sure she was going to back out on helping us move to our new home, after this. But she did since it was planed before. But there is not one photo of my older sister with my youngest child before age one. Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago and I now know my oldest sister was not alone my younger sister and everyone I have ever loved new this secrete. But me of chores.
Buying a home;
Our family was getting big, we owned a bungalow at the time we had three children a mom and a dad a dog and a bird and we felt it was time to move into a larger home. We found a home that was larger. It was a three-bedroom plus,floor level back split home, a dining room, a large kitchen, a den a playroom and a large lot. Pretty much everyone's dream right? When we moved in my older sister wouldn't talk to me. I can't understand why. I called my younger sister, I talked her almost every night I cried to her almost every night I couldn't understand. Why, why is my older sister doing this I would ask over and over again. My younger sister replied, well you bought her house, this was her dream house, how could you, did you do it on purpose why would you do this to her. I didn't buy my house to hurt anyone, I bought my house because my family was growing, I wanted a larger home. I wanted a home where we didn't have to move for a long time, nothing more than that, I do not have malice in in my heart, "what you see, is what you get." no more , no less.
Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago now I know my whole family did this to me. I believe the pain I use to suffer was a trauma, sad to think a secrete could do so much harm. 

Now I noticed a lot of times when there was weddings a lot of people would not invite my family and I. I couldn't understand why, they would invite everybody in my family everyone, not just to their wedding but to the hall. For the life of me I couldn't understand this, especially one time, when my mom and I live together there was one sister my mom seen quite a bit, this sister she had a daughter, now I used to wake this little girl up and walk her to school. I would feed her and dress her and take her to the movies, I would do lots of things for this little girl. Everyone was invited to her wedding even my brother, whom she didn't even know really. But we were not, why? I think I know why now, my older sister has been telling people stories about me all untrue ( sociopaths behavior)I have never spoken one bad word about any of them. I see now she didn't want me to be in their lives it was them my older sister and Mr. Reg that told me it was "This Family members mother" that put my mother's killer away , her testimony. Everyone kept telling us we were invited to the reception so we went, when we got there in front of everybody we were kicked out. Mr. Reg and wife, older sister, younger sister and all their children sat there as we were being kicked out. My older sister called me the next day, she said this was my aunt Ann doing this. I don't think she likes you Judy. I see now it was my older sister anytime she had anything to do with anyone's plans, weddings birthdays, dinners if older sister was running it or in it, I wasn't allowed to be there. I see now Mr. Reg was not my biggest problem I see now it was my older sister. She was taught by the best her father. Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago and I see my younger sister and everyone new my trauma, their secrete, my pain, migraines, swelling, it is hard to believe with someone's bullying you can do so much harm. Lies it is always best to speak the truth. My sister- in-law to whom I respect very much just recently told me it was a promise everyone was to keep secrete. "Everyone knew." everyone but me. I guess you could say she freed me.
Aunt D;
My aunt was getting very ill, this was the aunt that was married to my uncle dad, we went to visit her one day, her daughter's son was having a baby, and she was throwing a shower. Now I know she was not all together there at the time, she was having mind problems. But she is not crazy! Nevertheless she had said to me that one of you girls are not your father's biological daughters. Now I would have ignored this and moved along my way, but I think for the first time in my life I really listen to her words not because it was the first time I ever heard this, it was because my aunt Ann, once told me to go ask your uncle Bxb and his wife they know who is not the biological daughter. At this point while in the car I remembered what Mr Dad told me at age 12 years old. When returning to the car, I told my older sister my memories, What a mistake that was.I see now this was the biggest and the worst thing I could have ever done. I trusted her, I loved her.
This is when my older sister said no Jud I don't think it's you I think it's our younger sister, but I don't think we should tell her. I don't think it would be good. I didn't believe what my older sister said that day, but I just didn't say anything. I figured if she didn't want my younger sister to know that was fine since I didn't believe it was her anyway. I figured it out that day, that I was not Mr. dad's biological daughter. Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago joke is on me, my younger sister was playing me also. Guess you would say my life was a game to them. They all knew but me for all those years. I feel like I have just woken up from a bad dream.
·         After this took place, straighten above, my older sister would call me up and whisper in my ear, so Jud what do you feel about our younger sister only being our half-sister? My reply doesn't matter to me, I love her. To me I loved them, all of them. Never would say bad about them once upon a time ago. Almost every time she called, she would say this to me. What was she trying to prove? I believe she knew. NO I know she knew. She told me once she knew a secrets, but she swore she would never tell. When Mr Dad told me again. That I was not of his DNA. First thing my older sister said to me,Jud, we did this because we know how important family is to you. Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago can you imagine looking back at your life only to see what you were living was a lie, and everyone you ever loved was playing you?
Visit to younger sister’s house;
One time when I went to visit my younger sister we were drinking, at this time my younger sister looked at me and said; all I can say is thank God he is not of my blood, thank God there is no DNA attached to him and I. Now I could've jumped up and said, why would you say such a thing? But I didn't think this would be the right time or place since we had been drinking. But I see how my older sister asked me not to say anything to my younger sister but "she told her." But this doesn't seem to bother my sisters today she says we are all of his. But yet Dxbbxx my cousin told me my youngest sister called her a little over two years ago crying to her about the same thing.  But as you all know I have done my homework and I have found out I am not his daughter. I am not trying to hurt these people, I am just trying to find out who I am, as any person would. This is why people that are adopted go and look. I never realized this until now but you really do need to know who your parents are, there something inside you that draws you to it, that will not let you sleep at night until you find out the truth. Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago do you see what I mean when I say sociopath behavior? My younger sister knew. All that time they were playing me, like I was a toy. I remember one of the the last words she ever spook to me was to stop trying to steel her life. Only to find out she too knew THE SECRETE. It is like I really was a toy.
My older sister used to whisper in my ear while on the phone, aren't you glad we are Mr. dad's daughters and not uncle dad's daughter? Don't you think he is so much better looking? Don't you think at least he wasn't lazy like his brother? Do you ever talk to his daughter? She would ask me. Why did she ask me this over and over again? It was almost as if she was making fun of me, toying with me because she knew, why do I believe she knew, why do I believe my older sister knew, I can tell you why because I have had the last 30 years of whispers about my uncle dad and his family. When all this took place, this is when; my daughter went missing, this is when  things started to add up for me. Like
  • ·         why was my sister asked me if I ever spoke to my cousin Debbxx? I think it's because, it was my older sister who convinced Debbxx if not Debbxx she convinced my younger sister to convinced Debbxx that my aunts  husband was poisoning her. Why do I think this? My older sister whispered in my ear once , I think it's so unfair that Mr. dad is alone and Dxreen has someone. I think  my older sister was whispering this in my ear, asked me if I spoke with my cousin because she was up to something, there is no doubt in my mind now, just  I'm not as clever as her so I'm not totally sure of what went down but I do know one thing, my older sister is behind it. Look she wanted me out. And what she says she gets.
  • ·         I was told one thing to watch out for, I was told Mr. dad and older sister are a team, they go after the weak, they go after the old. Now I see this is true, I see how they took grandma's money, my stepmother's mother's money, everyone says to me to move on. I'm not the first person they've turned a  child against their parents, this is been going on for a long time, I guess it started with me. When I was born they seen the power they had over my mother, I guess this made Mr. dad feel good and now I see it made my older sister feel good too. And then after me it was Sherry ,Debbxx, Sheila, Gregory, Tom, and so many more now it's my baby, guess it's my turn.They are like a cult and even though my daughter is 18 years old now she left at 16 why because she could, why because they said it's okay and at the same time they badmouthed her mother so much, when we went to counseling my daughter and I, there was so many things she said about me that were not of her tongue but if theirs.
  • ·         Now I have been told, once my aunt went into the hospital, her husband left her and why wouldn't he after all he was just accused of poisoning her, which I knew in my heart and soul was not so,  why do I believe this? My older sister's whispers. I can't help but feel now, my aunts sibling tells me there is money missing that my aunt's ex-husband left and took all the money. I wonder if they've even asked him if he did take the money!" for some odd reason I can't help but be suspicious" when going to the hospital to visit my aunt, during my visit my aunt told me that the only person she trusted in this world was my older sister. I could see my older sister taking that money and telling my aunt she will give it back. Is this the suspicion versus reality? 2013 The money suspiciously appeared after I posted this. 
  • ·         one time I was invited to go to a girls week and with one of my most favorite people in the world, and it was Mxnxca. Mxnxca allowed me to be a part of her children she showed me how to be a real parent I looked up to her in many ways. But I knew I couldn't go because my older sister would be going too.
  • ·         There were many times I wanted to go to Mxnxca and tell her about the abuse that I was getting, but I'm just not that kind of person. And one time my older sister told me Mxnxca had come from an abusive home and was beaten very badly as a young girl. My older sister told me not to talk about abuse around her because it affected her very deeply and it wouldn't be good for her or me. Is this true?
  • ·         One time my cousin came over with some disturbing news and was very upset, I don't want to get into this too much because this person asked me not to, but the letter was very upsetting and due to the nature of this letter, this person lost a sister, he lost his mother, where did the info come from who would have done this to him, I don't think it was to him, it was to them. My older sister did not just want to break me up, kick me out, she wanted to hurt me. She wanted to hurt them, she was just as pissed off at them as as she was with me. All she went on and on and on about all the time to me with her whispers on my phone was them. This is her doing. But you know what I have tried to talk to people, I have tried to tell people, but I see now they're much bigger than I am. I only have this little voice and I see now they will just all believe I have a vendetta.or how about this one, but I've heard from many people what they are saying about me Jud's gone crazy. In Darn right I have a vendetta but I would never ever lie,and I am far from crazy. Mind you with everything that's been going on in my life sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy,  this is so bizarre right?. I am not like them. I believe in truth, I believe in family, I believe in unity this is the act of my older sister. It has her name written all over it
  • ·         I have received over 100 letters, e-mails messages from them, nasty one's, since the on-set of my daughter leaving two years ago at 16 years old from these people. What adult encourages a sixteen year old to move in with a twenty two year old?  telling me how bad I am, and what did you do Jud? trying to  blackmail me with photos trying to break up my husband and I, trying to tell me to take it and shut up or else."We can make your life very bad!" Accusing my husband of things he hasn't even done,not that they don't deserve anything done to them. We just know better. And yes they can and they have made my life very hard I'm having to erase things they've gone around and said about me. Turning my name to mud to those I loved or had any relationship with. Will I be able to fix my daughter?  one thing they don't have, that I have, is truth, is memories. I pray she will come back. 2013 My daughter returned home at eighteen. I think it is very important for a teen to be encouraged to live at home. There is so many things a parent still must teach, values are made at this age. Unless you know for sure that teen really needs you. That they are not running from a good home. Don't cross that line of trust. They need roles, and the love of a parent. To break the love of a family only brings loss.  
  • ·         They have turned my daughter against me, they have told her things about her mother no child should hear. They have told her I was a thief, they told her I am a liar, they told her I was a prostitute they told her I got children high while growing up as a teenager what ever they could tell her to turn her against her mother, they did this. Just like they did it to me years ago with my mother. I don't know if my daughter will ever respect me again, why? Because my older sister says so.  2013 They all knew
  • ·         One time there was a Christmas gathering it was at a hall that my sister-in-law knew of, when arriving  all the names were already placed on the table which was okay no big deal right. Well I didn't realize until it was time to leave and we got into the car and one of my daughters looked up and asked me a question. Mommy why is it everyone in our family was sitting at one end of table but you and us other than her older sister were all sitting with your uncle side? My reply, probably because we were so close to them. Asking my older sister later on, her reply I placed everybody with their family, I guess she was trying to tell me then that my real family was my cousins. My girls see this now maybe one day their older sister will to. With the help of God, or the help of extended family.
  • ·         I am told I am going through post traumatic stress disorder. When this all began one thing they told my husband, one thing they told my daughter that left, JZ makes up stories and starts believing in them, guess they knew I was coming out of shock, the shock they put me in.
  • ·         You're probably asking well why did you put up with these people for all these years. It's not that easy and they are very sly very cunning, it's not straightforward just when you think everything is going okay it seemed to be where you are back at the beginning.
  • ·         I love my cousin and I think these people should be warned to be careful, my councilor told me I should warn everyone about my older sister so here I am. My older sister's intentions within this subject is malice and they have to watch their backs. I understand they don't want to give me the DNA but maybe one day with the grace of God and once all of this pain is gone because really if you think about it, it's not such a bad thing that happening to me. Things like this happen all the time now a days, I know the time that my mother did this it was painful. I know this was a secret that was to be taken to the grave, but it's out of the bag,Who cares move on we are family. You have a half sister, I have more half sibling, makes me feel okay.One day through them or some way or somehow I will get the DNA I need to feel full, to feel truth once again.
·         If they ever read this blog I want them to know I will not use the DNA against them, I will keep it silent I will keep it quiet, I just need to know for me just like an adopted person goes to look. I just want to feel whole, don't you understand?  Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago ; by the time you notice someone is a sociopath  the damage is already done. You have to pick up the peaces and try with all you heart and soul to move on.


My Step Moms memories, last days, last breath

  • My stepmother died, when she died everybody was invited to  the hospital, they were invited to the hospital so that they could explain to them what Freeport hospital was all about,  what hospice was about. I was not invited. It saddens me to believe that this could actually really honestly happened to me. The last two weeks of my  stepmother life my older sister was not around, my younger sister lived out of town, my stepsister lived in Florida and was not in town, and my brother had no communication with these people any longer. Now I would like everybody to know I was not in that meeting to explain what was going to happen at Freeport Hospital ( They did their job, and in no way knew what I am about to say). I guess now looking back I see I was what  you call ; the fall guy. The morning my stepmother went to Freeport,hospital, my niece called me and told me my stepmother was calling for me, I then told my niece it would be best to call the, ambulance, I know they wanted me to go pick her up and carry her into my vehicle so they could save the money on the ambulance, but there is 'no way' I would ever agree to that. When I arrived later to Freeport the doctor asked me; shall we give her the injection? Then my stepmother asked me if she would wake up to see her daughter who was coming in from Florida later that day? I look to the doctor, I look to Mr. dad who was sitting in the corner of the room, if indeed my stepmother would wake up? The doctor said yes, my stepmother never did, she never did get to see her daughter that day, that was her last wish. When her  daughter arrived she was very upset to see her mother lying there half dead. Pretty much gone, no response at all.  We went to talk to the doctor and ask him if she would wake up, the Dr. sat down and said everybody in the meeting was told what was going to happen. This is when I let them know 'I was not in that room,'' this is when the doctor said to me and to my stepsister, I was told every single person was in that room the only family member that was not present was her daughter that lived in Florida, was his son no longer had anything to do with them, all other siblings were present. Guess they were trying to tell me then and there I was not family. I babysat Andrew that day and my younger sister didn't even tell me what they had planned for me to do. I now believe they never did tell Bxrb she was dying in fear she would tell me I was not Mr. dad's biological daughter. This is something I will have to live with the rest of my life. This is what these people did to me. I have called for help, and no one listened, they didn't listen to me when I was a kid, when I was being beaten and battered and made fun of, most of my life, they didn't listen to me, when I was a teenager, or when I charged the man that took my mother's life. Instead my older sister told everyone of my nieces I charged my mother. She also told my daughter the same thing and now my daughter's gone, missing and my family is broken, our hearts are broken this did not just happen to me, this happened to our family. This is the damage a sociopath can do.This happened to the little girls I thought they loved.I hope this does not put my girls in shock, like it did me years ago.I have gotten my daughters into counseling because of fear of this happening to them.
I confronted my stepsister with this information, her reply move on I did, Xandy did, don't you get it,  you’re not part of our family. To them blood is thicker than water.I'm water. Behind stepsisters back she's water too.Were they waiting for Bxrb to die? Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago Step mother knew too , what a fool I was. Everyone thought I was a game.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dragon Speech Recognition Software

I needed Dragon Speech Recognition Software
I just thought I would write a little note and let my readers know why it is I haven't been online for a little while. I have not forgotten about you. I have recently had a procedure done which is called carpal tunnel surgery my recovery.That is my hand above. Now having carpal tunnel I've noticed I'm not able to use my hand, I am not able to use my computer as much as I would like to.I need my computer. Therefore I decided to go out and get Dragon speak recognition software, this has saved me in many ways because now I can still do my business, I am a business owner operator. I m a web designer, and I am always on the computer working. So with this in mind I would like to let my readers know I will be back I just need a bit of a break from everyday life.
But I can still be back, if I really need to with my trusted friend Dragon natural speaking, speech recognition software.
Am I right? If you are out of commission, if you are unable to type, if you are wanting online or to write a letter you cannot for some reason, your hand is too shaky, maybe you just need someone to type for you but you are finding you want some privacy, with Dragon speech recognition software  you do not need to rely on anyone anymore. I believe it to be well worth the money.
I would also like my readers to know that with dragon software you can use it in Microsoft, you can use it in gmail accounts, you can use it on blogger, you can use it in web design software's.
I can use it whenever I can't use my hands, like now. I have always wanted to dictate, I feel I can speak my thoughts so much faster than what  I can type them. With Dragon  I have the freedom to do just that. I have dictated this to you with Dragon.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Kids don't tell

As the Children Cry

To see what they did to my Mom
Look no further than what they are doing to family's
Isolation killed my Mom, it will not kill us
for we are strong, the curtain is drawn
I hold the Key
Not one person would get on the phone with My Mom
Not one, Now it is happening to me
It is more than me, don't you see
There are family's of young hearts
I remember the tears " I saw "
The pain from within
the hour glass ticking
She died way before she ever left us
Her word appear
One day you will see him as I do,
and when you do you will see it was him and not I.
Louder and Louder...the words appear
 I hear and I see, so do the little eyes
Once loved by you...
I see your phones are broken, sorry to hear
History has replayed itself
Don't you see
her word are clear
Your actions have helped me see.
The pain and sorrow once
hidden within.
Abuse is wrong
I am making a stand.
I speak for MY Mom
She, Me and our children
were fighting for something we never had...
May the rain wash all the
pains from yesterday.
As the children cry
As the children sleep.

By jz

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Face Down

When are our words going to be heard, laughter not pain, good not bad, happy not sad, love not hate, friendship not bully's
If I could give any girl/women, out there in our big world any advice it would be, if a man or a person rather, hits you once, it will never stop. Life is to short find someone that you like. Do you like the fact of being beaten? I don't think so. No one want to hurt. Life is not about making up, it is about having fun, growing, laughing. No one has the right to hit anyone, that is why we call them Bully's.
When looking into my past, I asked many people on my journey to finding the truth, A few  people I questioned, if they knew of the abuse in our house from many years ago? When they replied, yes jz I seen that man almost leave your "Mom to Dead!" I was shocked of what I was hearing because when I was asking the question, I meant the abuse towards me. I now do have flash backs of that man abusing our Mom. I remember the yelling and screaming, the broken arms and the black eyes. And the words  ring in my ears now, Your Mom liked to be beaten! Who likes to be beaten? Who? There is Help out there. PLEASE do not be my Mom, do not let someone end your life. There is someone that will miss you. I promise. I sit here today having to write down her memories in hope someone will listen, Maybe the pain she endured will help someone, maybe save a life. I miss her so much and I now feel the pain she endured.

A story of a women caught on tape.
I see how our father turned his kids away from their own Mom,
They were not there to hear their own Mothers side.
Only his.
I remember the day my Mom died,
She called "ME"
Word Mr Dad said to me the day he drove me to work.
A key to why I went into trauma, to what I believe is a BIG key.
It is a secret

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Names Can Scare

Don't always believe what you hear
Memories like apples falling on my head! screaming wake up.

Something inside me died, now this is what I get...
Sorry thing are not in the order they happened in my life, but I am just writing things as they pop into my head. 
Let me tell you they are coming even fasted now. 
Just because someone calls you GREEDY does not mean you are;

Having a baby

My family called me greedy ever since I can remember and I don’t know why I believed them. I'm not.

I never really let our children sleep at anyone’s house, they called this greedy, and I called it protecting my children. Why? Why did I not allow them to sleep over at people’s homes?  Was it because of my life? I think so now. I didn’t trust them. I truly think something inside me knew.
One time I allowed my older sister to watch my oldest daughter, she was around 3 years old at the time, I was going to the hospital to have my second child. When I had our second child I just wanted to see my oldest daughter I missed her so, so, much, like I said I never went a night without her by my side. When calling my older sister for her to bring my daughter up to the hospital, her reply. No I don’t have the time today, maybe tomorrow. I wanted my oldest daughter to see her new sister, I wanted to see her and I got a NO. I would never do this to anyone. My husband work the oddest of hours at the time. I called my youngest sister, she brought my daughter to see her new baby sister and me. I do believe she loved me, but now years later 2013 I see she to had malis in her heart.
The second time I allowed my older sister to watch my daughter, I can’t say why but, my daughter was 4 yrs old at the time, When I went to pick her up, my 4year old daughter looked up to me and from the back seat of our car and said; Mommy aunt older sister told me you are really dumb, and you have no education. She said you didn’t even go to college, she said you like to tell story. Why did I not see? or not confront my sister? my nightmare could have been done years ago. Why did I wand this off? Why would my own sister's want to hurt me so much? Was I blind or dumb?

Third and last time I allowed my older sister to watch my oldest at age five and my middle child was about one and a half. When arriving to pick them up, my girls wanted to leave right away. This was strange because they really liked their Aunt. Why not, she is so candy coated who wouldn’t? I own a business and I know I came late to pick up our girls; it was around 9:30 pm. The girl ran to the car, my oldest sister turned to me and said they might be hungry, I didn’t feed them, they didn’t like what we had to make. This did not sound like our girls at all, they pretty much eat anything. When returning to my car, my oldest daughter looked up to me and said,  we are ever hungry. I asked my daughter why they did not eat what their Aunt offered. My babies reply; she made us sit in the front room while they ate. At that time I told my daughter what her Aunt had said to me prier , my daughters reply; no that is so untrue Mommy, they were having cheese macaroni and fish sticks, my favorite. How sad is that. I would never do this to her children I treated them with love. Will these memories ever pop back into the child I lost? Will I ever see her again? I lost my daughter to hate, my older sisters hate. Why? because my older said so.

After that I never left my girl alone with my older sister, ever. This has been going on forever; my girls tell me more and more each day the stories of what my older sister has been telling them about me, their Mommy behind my back for years. They didn’t tell then, but they do now.
 I know it was not just me my older sister did this too. I see with my own eyes how she through my youngest sisters daughter across the room, she did not think anyone was watching! I was, One time I seen her hit the girl down the street, that she babysat,I even seen her hit my cousins son she baby sat. Wonder what Aunt Ann would say about that?  Kids don't tell.
Her other daughter has kids of her own now, and last time I saw them I seen my older sister smack her son in the head!!!!, I seen her husband smack his grandson, heck I seen how they allowed their 12year old to smack her nephew. Hitting is not the way.  Kids don't tell, it is time to wake up your young voices don't be me, Please go tell someone, someone you trust.
One time I was watching older sister's 3 year old daughter. I had no children at the time. Her daughter accidentally split some milk on my carpet, I seen this little girl run behind my sofa chair in fear. It was so sad to see; I hugged her and told her it was okay, everyone has accidents. Even me. That is why there is such a word as accident.
You know everyone knows this of my older sister and they and we all just turn and looked the other way. My younger sister had her son, the same time as my older sister’s daughter had her son. I don’t think there was ever one good word about my youngest sister’s son, at three years old my sister called him a fag, who does that? My daughters have told me how they seen older sisters daughter at 11-12 year old even hit my youngest sisters little boy, and I have been told even my older sister has hit younger sisters son,and my step sisters daughter. You would think my youngest sister would know better, she has called me time and time again through out the years, telling me how our older sister is trying to show her up,as a Mother always going that one extra step, bigger gift then what she could afford, to give her daughter and more. She seen how they treated her daughter, giving her less food at the dinner table,telling her she had to wait to see if their kids wanted it first, hitting her , calling her names, or things like singing you are on the welfare you can't have a ice cream because you are on the welfare, she was less to them that is for sure. No one cared. I did. I treated my younger sister’s daughter with love and equal. By the way, I bought my niece an ice cream that day. And I told them it was not funny. I am sure if my youngest sister was there at the time, I am sure she would have bought her daughter the ice cream... I told my youngest sisters things I seen them do to her daughter, or thing they did to her son.

It was my youngest sister that warned me of what was going to happen to me. Her word, jz you better go see our older sister, she is getting mad, she does not know why you can come to visit me, when I live one and a half hour away, but you don’t visit her 10 min away. I did go to visit my older sister, she was just never there then we got there. But I too, was also trying to avoid her, things were just getting out of hand with her. I was noticing if I told her something, the next time I heard the story it was never the same.
 Example: One time I told my older sister, how my Mom said she believed the basket that gets passed around at the church to collect money should also be given to the people in need, at the church, she said there were many starving children right in our own back yard. My sister told her children, and my children I stole from the church, whenever the basket went around instead of giving money we took money.
I think I can now even remember what triggered this explosion in my life. My older sister, my youngest sister and I went to a U2 concert, when we were there my youngest sister and I were  in front of my older sister walking, My youngest sister look to me and said, let be best friend always. Older sisters hate exploded, and I lose everything. Why because oldest sister says so.

Jz inside TIPS
  • Do not always believe what someone says about someone to you.
  • Make your own judgment on that person, someone is telling you about. 
  • Ask yourself; how are they with you?
You do not have to do it alone, there is help, all you have to do is care, care about you! 
Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago my younger sister was playing me, everyone was promised not to tell me I was not his daughter, I feel so violated. When this all started I was confused, I didn't know what was happening to me. I couldn't understand why my mind had forgotten,so I seek help. This is when the counselor prepared me with thing that might be returning to my memories slowly, she also said; in most families everyone knows you are not his child, in most cases like this (I would be the last to know) That is why it was easy for them to play me, they were all doing it together.  Just like when I was a child. Did I mean that little. Wait til they find out everything I found out about me. Who and what their father did to them! 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Bully wareness


I had to share this, It pains me to see, how our world is allowing, this pain to still happen.
I thought we have evolved.
I am getting messages of people bullying,
at schools, at work places, text messaging, e mails and more.
I lost my family via e mails.
We all cry, laugh, bleed and feel.
Look around people, we are all just trying to live our happy little lives
Why can't you stop to think,what if it were you!
Being called these bad words all your life?
What if it were you?
The tears start to fall.
I would love to share these words
To Alye, and all the people out there that are being bullied with
NAMES that last a life time
I couldn't stop crying, my heart bleeds for you.
I wish I could take all your pain away.
I wish when someone calls you names, you could  hear the thoughts in your heart,
You are bigger then them
I know how you feel, you see it happened to me.
I would like you to do me a favor Alye
When you go to the mirror, Say to it each day...
Oh lord it is hard it be humble
When you are perfect in every way
I look in the mirror each morning and
get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be one heck of a Gal
Oh lord it is hard to be humble
When you are perfect in every way.
After all, are we not all, "perfect" in one way or another?
Feed your brain; speak to it with your heart!
I see your heart truly has something good to say.
Wash away the bad words these bullies have subjected you to.
We are all like computers, we are only what we feed our brain.
You are worth it. We are all worth it,
wash it all away.
Stand tall we are the survivors.
Lets show them, how tall we are.
Ask yourself.
What is wrong with them?
After all, there truly must be something wrong with them,
"Do you think a normal person wakes up"
And says; I think I am going to go bully, what’s her face today?
And then does it!
Feel sorry for them.
Looks like to me, you truly are the bigger person.
"Feelings" to "ME"
is the bigger person.
Say it out load!
Everybody want to be me, I am the person to be.
Say this out load love.Wash away the pain within.
By jz

Monday, March 28, 2011

Brain Test

I know my brain is needing some fun...
Left - Right Conflict
Did you have some difficulty?
Here's why. 
The right side of the brain tries to say the color
but the left side of your brain 
insists on reading the word


So what do you make of this?

The other day a partridge came to my home. The night before this bird came to my house, I was questioning life. I was wondering why now? Why like this? If all this bad happens to our world how can there be a higher being that gives a damn.
I lost my family to abuse, to online bullying, to technology, and yes I know that is life. But do we have to loose so much. Can we just enjoy? instead of all this hate. Just because you can, does not mean you should. I think this world has lost the meaning of family. And Living. Not one person would even get on a phone, just hateful words between email. Emotion is important.
Now I have been told to see the light you have to go through pain. My journey has been rough and very painful, I know there is much pain out in our world.But how much truth can one endure?
Call me crazy but I think this bird is here for a reason.
She has been here now since April 11th,She runs from everyone in our home but me. So I looked it up on Wikipedia I found the Greek legend interesting.