Don't always believe what you hear
Memories like apples falling on my head! screaming wake up.
Memories like apples falling on my head! screaming wake up.
Something inside me died, now this is what I get...
Sorry thing are not in the order they happened in my life, but I am just writing things as they pop into my head.
Let me tell you they are coming even fasted now.
Just because someone calls you GREEDY does not mean you are;
Having a baby
Having a baby
My family called me greedy ever since I can remember and I don’t know why I believed them. I'm not.
I never really let our children sleep at anyone’s house, they called this greedy, and I called it protecting my children. Why? Why did I not allow them to sleep over at people’s homes? Was it because of my life? I think so now. I didn’t trust them. I truly think something inside me knew.
One time I allowed my older sister to watch my oldest daughter, she was around 3 years old at the time, I was going to the hospital to have my second child. When I had our second child I just wanted to see my oldest daughter I missed her so, so, much, like I said I never went a night without her by my side. When calling my older sister for her to bring my daughter up to the hospital, her reply. No I don’t have the time today, maybe tomorrow. I wanted my oldest daughter to see her new sister, I wanted to see her and I got a NO. I would never do this to anyone. My husband work the oddest of hours at the time. I called my youngest sister, she brought my daughter to see her new baby sister and me. I do believe she loved me, but now years later 2013 I see she to had malis in her heart.
The second time I allowed my older sister to watch my daughter, I can’t say why but, my daughter was 4 yrs old at the time, When I went to pick her up, my 4year old daughter looked up to me and from the back seat of our car and said; Mommy aunt older sister told me you are really dumb, and you have no education. She said you didn’t even go to college, she said you like to tell story. Why did I not see? or not confront my sister? my nightmare could have been done years ago. Why did I wand this off? Why would my own sister's want to hurt me so much? Was I blind or dumb?
Third and last time I allowed my older sister to watch my oldest at age five and my middle child was about one and a half. When arriving to pick them up, my girls wanted to leave right away. This was strange because they really liked their Aunt. Why not, she is so candy coated who wouldn’t? I own a business and I know I came late to pick up our girls; it was around 9:30 pm. The girl ran to the car, my oldest sister turned to me and said they might be hungry, I didn’t feed them, they didn’t like what we had to make. This did not sound like our girls at all, they pretty much eat anything. When returning to my car, my oldest daughter looked up to me and said, we are ever hungry. I asked my daughter why they did not eat what their Aunt offered. My babies reply; she made us sit in the front room while they ate. At that time I told my daughter what her Aunt had said to me prier , my daughters reply; no that is so untrue Mommy, they were having cheese macaroni and fish sticks, my favorite. How sad is that. I would never do this to her children I treated them with love. Will these memories ever pop back into the child I lost? Will I ever see her again? I lost my daughter to hate, my older sisters hate. Why? because my older said so.
After that I never left my girl alone with my older sister, ever. This has been going on forever; my girls tell me more and more each day the stories of what my older sister has been telling them about me, their Mommy behind my back for years. They didn’t tell then, but they do now.
I know it was not just me my older sister did this too. I see with my own eyes how she through my youngest sisters daughter across the room, she did not think anyone was watching! I was, One time I seen her hit the girl down the street, that she babysat,I even seen her hit my cousins son she baby sat. Wonder what Aunt Ann would say about that? Kids don't tell.
Her other daughter has kids of her own now, and last time I saw them I seen my older sister smack her son in the head!!!!, I seen her husband smack his grandson, heck I seen how they allowed their 12year old to smack her nephew. Hitting is not the way. Kids don't tell, it is time to wake up your young voices don't be me, Please go tell someone, someone you trust.
One time I was watching older sister's 3 year old daughter. I had no children at the time. Her daughter accidentally split some milk on my carpet, I seen this little girl run behind my sofa chair in fear. It was so sad to see; I hugged her and told her it was okay, everyone has accidents. Even me. That is why there is such a word as accident.
You know everyone knows this of my older sister and they and we all just turn and looked the other way. My younger sister had her son, the same time as my older sister’s daughter had her son. I don’t think there was ever one good word about my youngest sister’s son, at three years old my sister called him a fag, who does that? My daughters have told me how they seen older sisters daughter at 11-12 year old even hit my youngest sisters little boy, and I have been told even my older sister has hit younger sisters son,and my step sisters daughter. You would think my youngest sister would know better, she has called me time and time again through out the years, telling me how our older sister is trying to show her up,as a Mother always going that one extra step, bigger gift then what she could afford, to give her daughter and more. She seen how they treated her daughter, giving her less food at the dinner table,telling her she had to wait to see if their kids wanted it first, hitting her , calling her names, or things like singing you are on the welfare you can't have a ice cream because you are on the welfare, she was less to them that is for sure. No one cared. I did. I treated my younger sister’s daughter with love and equal. By the way, I bought my niece an ice cream that day. And I told them it was not funny. I am sure if my youngest sister was there at the time, I am sure she would have bought her daughter the ice cream... I told my youngest sisters things I seen them do to her daughter, or thing they did to her son.
It was my youngest sister that warned me of what was going to happen to me. Her word, jz you better go see our older sister, she is getting mad, she does not know why you can come to visit me, when I live one and a half hour away, but you don’t visit her 10 min away. I did go to visit my older sister, she was just never there then we got there. But I too, was also trying to avoid her, things were just getting out of hand with her. I was noticing if I told her something, the next time I heard the story it was never the same.
Example: One time I told my older sister, how my Mom said she believed the basket that gets passed around at the church to collect money should also be given to the people in need, at the church, she said there were many starving children right in our own back yard. My sister told her children, and my children I stole from the church, whenever the basket went around instead of giving money we took money.
I think I can now even remember what triggered this explosion in my life. My older sister, my youngest sister and I went to a U2 concert, when we were there my youngest sister and I were in front of my older sister walking, My youngest sister look to me and said, let be best friend always. Older sisters hate exploded, and I lose everything. Why because oldest sister says so.
Jz inside TIPS
- Do not always believe what someone says about someone to you.
- Make your own judgment on that person, someone is telling you about.
- Ask yourself; how are they with you?
Here I am in the year 2013 reviewing what I wrote years ago my younger sister was playing me, everyone was promised not to tell me I was not his daughter, I feel so violated. When this all started I was confused, I didn't know what was happening to me. I couldn't understand why my mind had forgotten,so I seek help. This is when the counselor prepared me with thing that might be returning to my memories slowly, she also said; in most families everyone knows you are not his child, in most cases like this (I would be the last to know) That is why it was easy for them to play me, they were all doing it together. Just like when I was a child. Did I mean that little. Wait til they find out everything I found out about me. Who and what their father did to them!
